Okay, so like I told you, I am the world's worst blogger...

So... How ya been? I've been up, down, and everything in between. Scott at Pain Consultants has been monitoring my pump, adjusting and refilling as needed. Originally, the thought was that if we can get the muscles relaxed enough, then the pain would recede. That has not been the case, as no matter what, the muscles spasm and hurt. I do have my good days and my bad days, but don't we all? The weather definitely plays a role in how I feel. We've had some really, REALLY windy days lately, so between the AMN and my migraines, I've had a helluva time.

I found out in February that Fucktard died January 6th of a heart attack. While I am sad that a human being lost his life, I am nonetheless relieved that I don't have to worry about running into him unexpectedly. I was over him after a year into the relationship, but had no way to escape, so I spent another 2 1\2 years suffering his verbal blows. I (we) got rescued by my step-father Jim, my step-brother Josh, and 3 police officers. I had (I don't remember if it was 10 or 15) minutes to grab my stuff and get out of there. So we grabbed as much as we could, including Miss Ginger, and left. We ended up at Mom and Jim's trailer. The boys were spared that scene, as they had spent the weekend with my ex, Gary. Apparently Mom had called Gary to give him a heads up and to have him drop the boys off at her house. So we were suddenly FREE! That was May 16 (I think), 2011. It was a very good idea to have my mom around, otherwise I would have gone back to him. I spent a lot of time studying his actions and behaviors to try to figure out what made him do the things he did. I came up with a hypothesis: that he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think his mother wasn't around emotionally or physically, so he didn't get to complete the Oedipus Cycle. He grew up in an atmosphere of abuse and neglect. He learned from a young age that if he wanted something, he had to get it himself. Cut to the future, and he didn't see a woman as being autonomous, but what he could get through her. He was simply a parasite, sucking the life blood out of a woman, and when he spent all her money and crushed her spirit, left her in the dust to go find someone else. After my rage had passed, I thought of him... and laughed at him. Sitting in his tiny house, alone, an alcoholic and type 1 diabetic, no one to take him to the liquor store, no one to do anything for him anymore. I pray for him.

Gotta go for today. This topic's trying to bring me down. Not good. Now I think I'll go virtual window shopping. Red Green always ends one of his segments with, "I'm pullin for ya; we're all in this together."

With that, I'm ending this session. May your time until next be as sunny and happy as you can make it! 🍭